AIDS

Common sense is like AIDS.

Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

My dad bought himself a new hearing aid.

"It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."

"Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"

"Two-thirty."

I used to be a phone sex operator...

But I got hearing aids.

ABORTION BILL

A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?" The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."