Can opener jokes

I've just opened a casino for dogs where they can play roulette, poker blackjack etc...

They'll have to go outside for craps though.

A man called the hotel manager...

He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".

There's an email going around offering processed pork, gelatin, and salt in a can

Don't open it, it's spam

If a man opens the car door for his wife

You can be sure of one thing — either the car is new or the wife is.

Dangerous trick

Circus. The most popular and dangerous trick, guy put his penis in crocodile's mouth, croc shuts his mouth, the guy hits croc on the head, croc opens up his mouth and guy takes his penis unharmed, everybody applaud!

Than guy asks the audience: if you can do it, I'll pay anybody $1000!!!!

Girl stands up and says: "I'll do it, just don't hit me on the head!!!!"

What do you call a broken can opener?

A can't opener

How many men does it take to open a can of beer?

None. It should be open by the time she brings it to the couch.