Carpenter

I met a guy who's a carpenter, he told me he makes stools.

'Me too' I says 'but they're all shit'

A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar

One came, one saw, and one conquered.

What do nervous carpenters do?

Bite their nails

He who lives by the sword, shall die by the sword" said Jesus

The carpenter who was nailed to some wood

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The NRA asked what Jesus's favorite gun would be, and I said "a nail gun."

I don't know why they got so offended. Jesus was a carpenter.

The carpenter came home one day...

A carpenter came home one day only to discover his wife in bed with another man.

In a total rage, he dragged the naked man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vice.

He then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next he picked up a hacksaw.

The terrified man, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."