Child
One year, I had been a naughty child, and Santa left me a piece of coal.
So I poisoned his cookies. But the sneaky bastard found out and killed my dad.
Coal jokes
North Korea
It turns out North Korea has been naughty on purpose.
They’re hoping Santa will bring them all lumps of coal for Christmas.
Marine
A Marine, A Navy SEAL, and a Delta Force member are sitting around a fire....
The marine says, "I once killed 50 enemy combatants with a single belt of my M249." The Navy SEAL says, "I wiped out an entire enemy compound with my K-Bar." The two look at the Delta Force and expect him to pipe up, but he just stares at the fire, stirring the coals with his penis.