A man drives up to a stop sign and rolls through it.
Shortly after a cop pulls him over. The cop asks, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” The man says, “No”. The cop says, “ You ran a stop sign back there”. The man says, “OK, but I slowed down though”. The cop then asks, “Could you please step out of the vehicle, Sir?” The man gets out of his car. The cop pulls out his night stick and begins beating him. The man yells, “STOP, STOP!” The cops say, “Oh, you want me to slow down?”
What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?
A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A stoned driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.
"Boy, I'm scared," a man said to one of his friends,
"I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife." "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife." "Easy for you to say," the first guy said. "You like her that much?" the friend asked. "It's not that," declared the man, "He didn't sign his name."
A kid is selling lemonade...
The boy’s sign reads “1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1
A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade. "25 cents", says the kid.
The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.
As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢... Maybe lemonade stands aren’t your thing."
"I guess you're right" says the kid good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups.
I saw a roadside stand with a sign that said "Lobster Tails-$2". So I stopped in and paid my $2.
Then the proprietor says, "Once upon a time, there was this lobster..."