A country boy gets accepted into Harvard.
He can’t find the library, so he finds another student on campus.
“Excuse me, do you know where the library is at?”
The student looks at the country boy disapprovingly and says,
“My good sir, here at Harvard we don’t end our sentences with prepositions.”
The country boy replies,
“My apologies. Do you know where the library is at, asshole?”
I had to apologize to my friend for making fun of his erectile dysfunction.
I said, “Hope there are no hard feelings.”
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Hello, I'd like a hamburger please."
The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologizes, then whispers ^"I'd ^like ^a ^hamburger ^please."
"I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied: "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
And that's the last thing I remember.
A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap
He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet.
“What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.
“You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
Today, my wife apologised to me for the first time ever...
She said, she's sorry she ever married me.
A man walks into a bar and asks:
"Bartender, may I have a Less?" To which the bartender says: "I'm sorry sir, what did you want?" "I would like to have a Less please." The bartender then apologizes: "I don't know this drink, sir, could you describe it to me?" The man answers: "Well... I don't really know, but my doctor told me to drink less."
Albert Einstein was running 20 minutes late as a guest speaker at a science conference.
He finally arrived apologizing profusely.
Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."
Host: "It's about time."
Einstein: "And space!"