tattoo of a $100 bil
A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
Why did Hitler fail as an artist?
He refused to mix colors.
There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a cock like mine.
Camera man, light and sound technician, make up artist, or even production manager.
A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked to have a fifty dollar bill tattooed on his dick. The tattoo artist said, “I’ve had some strange requests but this one tops the lot. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your prick a picture of a banknote?”
The man replied, “There are three reasons.
One, I love to play with my money.
Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow.
Three, and this is the most important of all, the next time my wife wants to blow fifty bucks, she won’t have to leave the house!”
What do you call a scam artist who is walking down the stairs?
Condescending
A daughter is in a fierce argument with her father
The dad is yelling, she's inconsolable and crying. She finally gets sick and tired of it, and storms up to her bedroom.
Before entering, she lashes out at her father "Oh, and more thing: Jim Morrison is a terrible artist!"
The father, filled with rage yells back "Young lady, there will be NO slamming of The Doors in this house!"
Artist: “How are my paintings selling?”
Gallery owner: “When I explained how the value would greatly increase after your death, very well! One person bought 15 paintings!”
Artist: "Oh! That’s amazing! Who bought them?”
Gallery owner: “Your doctor.”
A friend of mine was sexually assaulted by a gang of mime artists last night...
They did unspeakable things to him.
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time..
.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, sure. I would love to here it. " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."