tattoo of a $100 bil
A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
My wife recently got a seashell tattooed on her thigh.
When you put your ear close to it, you can really smell the ocean.
My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.
She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them.
What do you call it when someone gets their whole face tattooed?
An everlasting job stopper.
A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked to have a fifty dollar bill tattooed on his dick. The tattoo artist said, “I’ve had some strange requests but this one tops the lot. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your prick a picture of a banknote?”
The man replied, “There are three reasons.
One, I love to play with my money.
Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow.
Three, and this is the most important of all, the next time my wife wants to blow fifty bucks, she won’t have to leave the house!”
So I was at the bar the other day...
...and suddenly, I feel a large slap on my ass.
Turning around, I spot the ugliest woman imaginable; she was large, heavily tattooed, and caked with metric tonnes of makeup.
She said to me, "Hey there, guy. I saw you over there and thought you should call me."
I looked her over once again, disgusted, then said, "Do you have a pen?"
She replied "Of course!"
"Well you'd better get back in it before the farmer realizes that you're gone."
When my kid is upset I let her colour my tattoo!
She just needs a shoulder to Crayon
I'm getting a tattoo of an elephant on my ear...
The only reason I'm doing this is so when people ask me "Why do you have a tattoo of an elephant on your ear?" I can say "Don't worry about it. It's ear elephant."
I got a temporary tattoo
Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour and got a tattoo. But it wouldn’t wash off this morning, so I went back to complain. But the tattoo parlour wasn’t there.
During OJ Simpson's First Trial, He and his lawyer are in the bathroom...
they are both standing at the urinals and the lawyer can't help but notice that OJ has Nicole tattooed onto his dick, he leans over and says "Between you and me, I know you killed your wife, so why did you have her name tattooed onto your dick?"
OJ answers "Just because she is dead, doesn't mean I can't beat her."
I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria
Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell
My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.
"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."
"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."
"No," I said. "I mean being single."
My friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite star wars character..
You should have seen the luke on her face....
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Madrid.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision
My wife asked me to get a Vladimir Putin tattoo.
When I got home she asked me about it excitedly.
I pulled down my trousers and showed her my crotch, where the word "Gigawatt" had been tattooed on my penis.
"What the fuck is that?" she yelled.
I said, "It's a prick with too much power."
I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese
made a language entirely out of tattoos.