One day, a husband said to his wife, “I don’t know how you got to be so beautiful and so dumb at the same time.”
The wife responded, “Allow me to explain...” “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. He made me dumb so I would be attracted to you.”
A man buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for xmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
An old drunk was at the bar when...
He saw this beautiful woman drinking alone at the corner of the bar alone. So he waved the bartender over and ask the bartender to send a bottle of the most expensive champagne to the woman.
The bartender, "nah, I wouldn't bother with that. She's a lesbian." But the old drunk insisted.
A short while later, the old drunk sauntered over to the woman, "So...which part of Lesbia are you from?"
I have always thought that the second letter in the word “Hive” is quite beautiful, after all .....
Beauty is in the I of the bee holder.
One day, I was walking down the street when out of the blue, 6 beautiful women flashed me their breasts all at the same time. Now I know what you’re thinking...
This story sounds kind of ridiculous...
Dozen tit.
If you call a girl beautiful 1000 times she won't really notice. But if you call her fat once, she will never forget...
That's because elephants never forget.
I don't know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police
All I asked was, "How much for one night stand?"
A guy wanks into a bar.
He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,
"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."
One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.
"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're lesbians."
"What's that?" asks the guy.
"It means we only like to have sex with women" the girl responds.
To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us lesbians."
At 18 a woman is like Africa, wild and untamed.
At 28 a woman is like Asia, exotic and beautiful.
At 38 a woman is like America, flourishing and in the prime of life.
At 48 a woman is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.
At 58 a woman is like Australia, everyone knows it's down there but nobody gives a damn.
An old man is at home on his death bed
When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, "No, they are for the funeral."
I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's a fucking optician."
Easy way to search your wife.
A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket." "Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked. "Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere!"
I was sitting on a train yesterday and saw this stunningly beautiful Thai girl.
I thought to myself, “Please don’t get an erection, Please don’t get an erection”. But she did.
Trump and Putin are sitting in Putin's office discussing how powerful they are.
Putin says "Watch this." He picks up the phone and says something in Russian.
A beautiful woman walks in the room, kneels in front of Putin and begins giving him a blow job.
Minutes pass, and Putin finishes. He gives the woman a tap on the head, and she stands up and walks out of the room.
Looking back at Trump, Putin asks "Do you want to try?"
Trump replies "Yeah, but please dont tap me on the head when you're done."