A student goes up to his professor after class and asks him to define a dilemma. The professor says "I'll do you one better and give you a perfect example. You're laying in bed naked with a gorgeous naked girl on the right of you, and a naked gay guy on your left. Who do you turn your back to?"
Why did the blond girl became the Invisible Woman?
Because she has to be dense enough for light to bend around her
I was in bed with this redneck girl when all of a sudden her father, her brother and her boyfriend burst into the room
And boy was he mad.
What's the difference between a 4 year girl and a 40 year old woman?
A 4 year old's favourite toy is a rubber body without any genitals. A 40 year old's favourite toy is a rubber genital without any body.
Kid's know far too much these days...
This morning, while in the doctors waiting room, I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie and Ken dolls imitating the doggy position. I bent down and told her, "you'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that." She replied, "I don't think so, he's doing her up the ass"
A Seventh Grade Health Class
was learning about pregnancy. Young Suzy asks her teacher, "Can my grandma get pregnant?" Her teacher replies that no, she can't, shes far too old. Suzy then asks if her fifty year old mother could get pregnant. Her teacher tells her no, shes a little too old for that. Suzy, puzzled, asks if she can get pregnant. Her teacher freaks out and tells her "Don't even think about it young lady, you're far too young!" Johnny pipes up from the back of class "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about!"
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question
"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
What's the difference between an American girl and a Muslim girl?
The American girl gets stoned before sex.
My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!
A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until
the pussy cried "Meow" and ran away.
Moral Lessons
1. Be kind to Animals
2. Always keep your thoughts clean...
Wittle Wabbit
little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
Damn girl, do you have Covid?
Because if you’re talking to me, then you have no taste.
Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
Recently started dating a chinese girl but not sure if I want to keep going.
She’s been raising a lot of red flags.
One day during a war....
A tall, strong and handsome Roman soldier broke into a house where he found two luscious maidens and their matronly nurse.
Chuckling with glee, he roared, "Prepare thyselves for a conquest, my pretties."
The lovely girls fell to their knees and pleaded with him, "Do with us as thou wilt, O Roman, but spare our faithful old nurse."
"Shut thy mouth," snapped the old nurse. "War is war."
My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.
She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them.
I once dated a girl who told me she had had sex with Mr. Peanut.
She was fucking nuts.
A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl...
...that means no sex before marriage. But he does not care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.
‟Hello, sir, I am here to ask for your daughter's hand”
A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks ‟And why is that?”
The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh... ‟Well, its just that mine have gotten tired.”
I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart
It was simple.
Jill painted her nails purple and Bob had a cock.
So I met this really nice girl at the zoo!
She was a keeper.
I met this girl at a vegan restaurant she said she knew me.
But I never met herbivore
A little 5yo girl goes into a petshop
Hello, I want a little bunny
Worker: Sure, you want that small fluffy white one or the small puffy brown one?
Girl: I dont think my python cares...
Been chatting with this 14 year old girl. Real sexy and flirty. Things are going great, but now she tells me she's an undercover cop.
How fucking cool is that for someone her age.
I got Botox and I asked the doctor “how many years younger will this make me look?”
He said “zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who also got Botox.”
First visit to America as German guy!
I was pissing on the side of the road when suddenly an American girl walks by. She saw my penis and shouted "GROSS!"
I shouted back "DANKE!"