A rich guy and his poor drinking buddy were at the bar before Christmas...
The rich guy, making small talk, goes
"So I got my wife a new diamond ring and a BMW for Christmas. That way if she doesn't like the ring, at least she'll still love the Beemer!"
The poor guy goes:
"Huh, well I got my wife a pair of pantyhose and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the pantyhose, she can go fuck herself."
(Thanks Dad.)
After extensive investigations and many phone calls, the police found that, despite the fact that I’m black, I’ve got a good job, no criminal record and I own the BMW I was driving.
So they arrested me for wasting police time.
Einstein said that the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound.
However it is possible that you may hear the sound of BMW's horn before the light turns green.
If you ever feel your job is pointless.
Just remember: there is some bloke in Germany putting indicators on BMWs
If you ever feel like your job is meaningless, remember
there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW.
Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station
in a remote part of Ireland. Paddy, who knows nothing about golf, says "Top of the morning to you sir!"
Tiger nods and bends over to pick up the nozzle. As he does so two tees fall out of his pocket.
"What are those?"
Tiger replies, "These are called tees. They are for resting my balls on when I am driving."
"Fuck me" says Paddy, BMW think of everything!"
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.