Bride

At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to a guy next to me, "Isn't the bride a right ugly dog" "Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about" "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...

'I'm her fucking mother' came the reply

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?

She knows she's given her last blow job.