Dick jokes

My boss really hates it when I shorten his name to Dick...

Mostly because his name is Steve...

I got a new book about Japanese sex toy vending machines.

It's by Dick D. Spencer

Ever wonder why you always get a boner when you look in the mirror?

That's because your dick thinks you're a cunt too!

You’re in a room with a hundred dicks. How many do you choke on?

“None.”

“Wow, you’re that good?”

My friend Ted wants me to be a nice person and quit drugs

But I'm a dick, Ted

What's the shortest organ in a goat?

An ISIS member's dick.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, my fingers because I can always count on them, my head for staying on top of things, my nuts for hanging in there, and my dick for standing up for me.

How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in and another to show his dick to an intern once the light's on.

Kegals aren't just for women!

It's just that when men do it, it's a dick move.

(First joke I've ever come up with myself, sorry if it sucks.)

(if you could improve or elaborate, feel free )

They call my dick 'the landmine'...

because the second anyone touches it, it explodes :(

What did the capital O say to the capital Q?

Dude, your dick's hanging out..

Dicks are like paychecks.

You never know how yours compares to others but you always hope it's a little bigger.

What's the difference between your dick and a joke?

Nobody laughs at your jokes.