Women jokes

I like my women how I like my computer.

On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.

Why are women so bad at backing up their vehicles?

Because we're constantly lied to about how long 6 inches is.

Two plus sized woman walk into a bar

At the bar sits a drunken Irish man. As the two women approach, the Irish man sees them and exclaims: "Ah, two fine lassies from Ireland!" Defiantly, one responds "It's Wales!" The man corrects himself, "Ah, two fine whales from Ireland!"

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.

Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Why are diversity officers in progressive companies always women?

Because it is cheaper.

So this guy had found a magic lamp, which had a genie in it. After a while...

**Genie:** So master, you have one wish left, think wisely.

**Guy:** Hmmm, I wish there was a railroad that connect New York City to Moscow.

**Genie:** That... is quite a big wish you got there. Do you have anything more reasonable?

**Guy:** In that case, I wish I was able to understand women.

**Genie:** Did you want your railroad to be single or double track?

I like my women like I like my golf game.

Mid 80's with a slight handicap

Six topless women sounds nice

Dozen Tit??

If you go around grabbing women by the pussy...

...at some point you'll get caught red-handed.

They say all women turn into good drivers eventually.

So watch out for turning women.

A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified...

He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"

A recent study shows that 9/10 men prefer women with big boobs.

I think the 10th one prefers the other 9.

I like my women like I like my wine

Eight years old and locked up in a cellar

A woman is taken to court...

The judge asks, "What were you charged for?"

The women replied, "Doing my Christmas shopping too early."

When the judge asked her how early, she said, "Before the store opened."

I like my women like my weather...

Moist and unstable.

Fact

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their bodies...... Men are so polite that they only look at the covered parts!

What's the singular of "Women's Studies?"

Study abroad.

Two Romans were in a bar having a conversation..

Roman 1: you won't believe how many women I've slept with

Roman 2: mmm?

Roman 1: don't be ridiculous, not that many

I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"...

...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"

My hot flight attendant asked how I liked my coffee.

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "that's cute honey, but the coffee is free. You don't have to pay for it here"