Donald Trump

Nickname

A good nickname for Donald Trump would be "Slinky"

He serves no real purpose but it would make me smile to push him down some stairs.

Sentence

I want Donald Trump to be my parole officer...

...he never lets anybody finish a sentence.

What do a thong bikini and Donald's Trump's hair have in common.

They both barely cover the asshole. (gota give Seth Myer credit for this one).

Rudy Giuliani

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

Idiot

Please stop calling Donald Trump an idiot.

As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.

Jack o' lantern

How are Donald Trump and a jack o' lantern alike?

They're both orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be thrown out the first week of November.

Pill

Why does Donald Trump take anti-anxiety pills?

To prevent Hispanic attacks

President

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because...

He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house...

Difference

What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

Global warming

Donald Trump doesn't believe in global warming

Would be a lot cooler if he did

Ivanka

What can Donald Trump and I both agree on?

That if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I would date her.

State

Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.

Denial.

Why am I against Donald Trump's wall idea?

It will make fleeing to Mexico more difficult when he ruins our country.

Comparison

Why can't you compare Donald Trump with Steve Jobs

That'll be like comparing apples and oranges

You

Say what you like about Donald Trump

You know... while you still can.

Melania

Why was Melania so excited when Donald Trump became president

Because she can call herself the first lady instead of the third wife

Book

Why hasn't Donald Trump ever finished a book?

Because he keeps repeating Chapter 11.

Egypt

Why is Donald Trump moving to Egypt?

To live in a state of de Nile.

Head

Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.

The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.

Trump shouts “Oh my GOD!” and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.

After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advisors, “How many is a ‘brazillion?’”