A wife desperately tries to prove to her husband that her affair is over.
He had already forgiven her, but still hadn’t spoken to her in days. The only thing she could think of, is that he must still not trust her. To convince him, she cut her ex lover’s obituary out of the newspaper. Her affair ended long before the accident, but she thought she could ease her husband’s mind once and for all.
“You see,” she told him, “he was struck by a drunk driver.”
“I wasn’t drunk.” He replied.
What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?
A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A stoned driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.
A drunk guy enters a taxicab...
\- Take us to the...
\- ”Us”? Which ”us”, you're alone!?
Drunk guy looks at him, somewhat bewildered:
\- Wh-what, are you saying you ain't going?
Three drunks get into a taxi and tell the driver where to go. The driver has an idea of the address so he starts the engine, waits a few seconds and turns off the car. He says, "Alright guys we're here!"
The first drunk tips him £10 and gets out.
The second drunk tips him £20 and gets out.
The third drunk then slaps the driver across the face.
Worried that the drunk had realized the car hadn't moved an inch, he asks the drunk, "What was that for?"
The drunk says, "Control your speed next time. You almost killed us!"
Taxi
A drunk guy stops a taxi and opens the door,
"You have space for 10 beer and a whole chicken" he asks the driver
"Sure" the driver replies
"Ok" answers the drunk guy and pukes in the car.