Employer

The Job Interview

Me: "Time travel"

Potential Employer: "What would you say is your greatest stre-WHAT THE FUCK?!?

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay, I got a yob!"

A lot of people seem surprised when I tell them I regularly have sex with my boss

One of the many perks of self employment.

When my employer asked if I had a criminal record...

...I guess "highest number of robberies in an hour" wasn't the answer he was looking for.