Interview

Interviewer: Why did you become a pilot?

Pilot: To overcome my biggest fear.

Interviewer: Heights?

Pilot: Dying Alone.

I had a job interview yesterday, I poured myself a glass of water and it overflowed slightly

"Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%."

What’s the worst thing to say in a job interview?

This place is 5k from a school, right?

At the job interview, I asked what is the salary like. They said I'll start at minimum wage and make double of that in two years.

Ok, I'll be back in two years.

I went for a job interview today to work for a blacksmith

He asked if I had any experience in shoeing a horse?

I said ”No! But I once told a donkey to fuck off!”

At the job interview...

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in three years?

Me: Sorry, I don't have 2020 vision

The Job Interview

Me: "Time travel"

Potential Employer: "What would you say is your greatest stre-WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Interviewer: are you smart? Bob: I'm not smart, but I am clever. Interviewer: How so? Bob: in class, I sat next to the dumbest and second dumbest person in class, I'm the third dumbest, but by peeking at their tests, I got the highest score in the class.

Interviewer: how's that possible? Bob: by process of elimination. None of our answers could be correct.

Why old men don’t get hired...

Interviewer: Tell me your greatest weakness.

Old man: my honesty.

Interviewer: I don’t think honesty is a weakness.

Old man: I don’t give a fuck what you think.

Yesterday, in a job interview, the guy asked me if I could perform under pressure.

I said no, but, I would give Bohemian Rapsody a go.

Job Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I guess my biggest weakness is I am not always a good listener

Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself.

Me: I'd rather not... I kinda want this job.

ME: When's the right time to ask a girl for anal?

INTERVIEWER: I meant; do you have any questions about the job.

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay, I got a yob!"

Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words

Lazy

Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?

In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"

In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.

Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".

The interviewer asked me what I’d been doing for the last 3 years

“Yale” I replied

He thought this was wonderful and he offered me the position

I replied “That’s fantastic. I really need this yob”.

I was at a job interview today...

When the manager handed me a laptop and said,

“I want you to sell this to me.”

So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.

Eventually he called me and said, “Bring my laptop back now.”

I said, “£200 and it’s yours.”

Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"