Knee jokes

I've just been on Trip Advisor

Absolutely no help about a twisted ankle and a grazed knee

Wittle Wabbit

little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

One day during a war....

A tall, strong and handsome Roman soldier broke into a house where he found two luscious maidens and their matronly nurse.

Chuckling with glee, he roared, "Prepare thyselves for a conquest, my pretties."

The lovely girls fell to their knees and pleaded with him, "Do with us as thou wilt, O Roman, but spare our faithful old nurse."

"Shut thy mouth," snapped the old nurse. "War is war."

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That's just how I roll.

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?

Me: Two. You have two, son.

Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!

The student has become the teacher.

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we were making love, I thought .... "These taser guns are well worth the money."

What goes "Chest, Chest, Chest, Chest"?

A T Rex doing "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes".

Colin Kaepernick wasn’t the first athlete to take a knee

That honor belongs to Tonya Harding.

I asked my physician why he hits people on the knee with that little rubber headed hammer

He said "just for kicks"

a Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach having a nice day

When out of nowhere, a huge wave comes and sweeps him out to sea.

She drops to her knees and pleads, "Please God, save my only grandchild. I beg of you, my life has no meaning without him. Please bring him back.

And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.

She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"

An old woman wants to commit suicide...

...by shooting herself in the heart, but she doesn't really know where the heart is.

She goes to the local doctor and asks;

"Doctor, can you please tell me where the heart is?"

"Oh, it's just below your left breast."

So the old woman walked home and shot herself in the knee.

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap

He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet.

“What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.

“You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

I had my leg x-rayed today.

The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"

By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"

The doctor replied "披萨卷披萨卷2.54披萨卷"

An old woman reaches the end of her life..

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.