Marriage jokes

News just in of a honeymooner killed in a shark attack off the Perth Coast. The man had been married very recently. A police spokesman said

Fortunately the man did not suffer too much as he had only been married 5 days

Wife: Now that we've been married 20 years, how old do you think I look, honestly?

Husband: From your skin I'd say 28, from your hair 25, from your figure 29.

Wife: Oh, what a lovely thing to say.

Husband: Hang on, I haven't finished adding it up yet.

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married."

Today, my wife apologised to me for the first time ever...

She said, she's sorry she ever married me.

Being married is solving problems together.

Problems I wouldn't have, if I was single.

My scientist wife decided to test the hypothesis that more sex would improve our marriage. It's already been a week, and I've concluded...

that I'm in the control group.

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."

A husband and a wife over their marriage had eight kids.One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven.

The husband goes to his wife and asks her, “Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?”

The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.

The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, “So who is Billy’s father?”

“You.”

Always Wanted to get Married

My daughter always dreamed of getting married when she was a little girl.

So we converted to Islam.

Therapist: So why doesn't the marriage work?

Wife: My husband uses to many Star Wars puns

Husband: Divorce is strong in this one