A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.
His young son said, “I have no naughty books!”
The machine quickly hit him.
His father saw that and scolded his son, “When I was your age, I didn’t have such books!”
The machine quickly hit him.
The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, “Oh, you are truly father and son!”
The machine quickly hit her.
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says “Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?”
The Indian says “Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around ten miles per hour”.
“Wow!” Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. “You can tell all that by listening to the ground?”
“Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago”.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat.
After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
“The cat is dead,” he replied coldly.
She cried out and said, “You could have said the cat is playing on the roof on the first day, and the next day, it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing’s dead!
No reply. The wife sighed sadly, “Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
I got thrown out of DisneyWorld for spreading my dead mother’s remains around the park. It was her dying wish.
The security guards said I probably should have cremated her first.
My sisters and I met yesterday to discuss whether or not to bury or cremate our mother..
We couldn’t come to a decision between the two so we are letting her live for now.