Sister

I asked my Dad, "Dad, what did you want to do when you were my age?"

"Your mom's sister."

“Ever since she lost her job, my wife’s identical twin sister is living with us until she gets on her feet”

I told my friend.

He asked “just want to know , how do you tell them apart ?”

“ why should I ?”

The Telegram

"Telegram"

Oh boy, I've always wanted a singing telegram!

"Oh, it's not a singing telegram, just a regular telegram"

Oh come on, you can sing it, can't ya?

"I really shouldn't"

How about for $5?

"Ugh... I don't think so"

$10?

"Sir..."

$20?! Come on man, I have wanted a singing telegram all my life. You got to.

"I don't feel comfortable..."

You stupid punk. OK... $50. Can you just sing the stupid telegram?!

"Ok, sir... you asked for it"

"Buh-duh bud-duh, buh-buh... your sister Rose is dead..."

My sister and girlfriend have the same name

I think its a bit disgusting when everytime we have sex I think about my girlfriend

There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge.

One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you." And then Fridge says "bllaaarrarararraraaarg".

The Rodeo...

So two cowboys are talking about sex and the various positions when one of them mentions "the Rodeo."

So the second cowboy says to him, "I didn't know the Rodeo was a sex position. How do you do that one?"

The first cowboy explains. "So what you do is you penetrate your girl from behind. Then you reach around and grab her boobs, lean over, and whisper in her ear, 'These are almost as big as your sister's.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

My sister asked me to bring her something hard to write on.

Still don't know why she got so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand.

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs." -

One day a girl realised she was growing hair between her legs

She asked her mom what it was and her mom replied back 'the part where the hair is growing is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey is growing hair'

During dinner she told her sister that her monkey had grown hair and the sister replied 'that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas'

Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

Son: Mom, why is my sister called Teresa?

Mom: Because Teresa is an Anagram of Easter and we love Easter!

Son: Oh I see. Thanks mom!

Mom: My pleasure Alan.

A man walks into the store to buy condoms

Cashier: This is your third time buying condoms this week! What's your secret?

Man: what can I say, the ladies love me. In fact , Ive probably slept with every girl in this county except my sister and my mother.

Cashier: Huh. Well between the two of us we've got 'em all then!

I caught my sister masturbating with a cucumber...

I said "Woah what are you doing?! I was gonna eat that later....now its gonna be all disgusting and cucumbery"

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

My sister thinks she's so smart; she said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at her.

A teacher asked a first grader, why he brought a cat to school?!

He said:”It’s my moms cat, I saved it’s life!”

“How is that?”asked the teacher

“I overheard daddy tell mommy he’s going to eat her pussy after me and my sister leave for school!”

My sister bet me I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti

You should have seen her face as I was drivin pasta!

My Sister always got bullied at school for being adopted.

Homeschooling for us was fun though

Wife: -"Hey honey, does this dress make me look fat?"

Husband: -" You promise if I tell you the truth you wont get mad?"

Wife: -"Yes I promise"

Husband: -"I sleept with your sister"

A plumber rings the doorbell

"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.

"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"

"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"

"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"

"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".

My dad's a magician

Bob: What does your father do for a living?

Joe: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.

Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.

During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.

Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.”

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

Dad explained the difference between theory and reality.

Dad told me to ask mom if she would sleep with the neighbor for one million dollars. Mom said she would. Dad then told me to ask my sister if she would sleep with the neighbor for one million dollars. Sis said she would. Dad said right. In theory, we are sitting on two million dollars. In reality, we are living with two whores.

What does a microorganism say when they give birth to their sister?

OW! My toe sis.