Heard this one from a scientist last night
Two scientists walk into a bar:
“I’ll have an H2O.”
“I’ll have an H2O, too.”
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context.
My yoga teacher was drunk today
Put me in a very awkward position
So Boris Johnson has tested positive for COVID-19...
Anyone else concerned with how quickly the virus has jumped from human to politician?
The interviewer asked me what I’d been doing for the last 3 years
“Yale” I replied
He thought this was wonderful and he offered me the position
I replied “That’s fantastic. I really need this yob”.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
My dad died recently.
He was in an accident and lost a lot of blood but nobody knew his blood-type.
I’ll never forget his inspirational last words,
“Be positive”.