Position jokes

Did you hear that Prince Charles has tested positive for the Coronavirus?

After all these years he's finally been coronated.

A young boy runs into the house and excited shows his mother a 50$ bill he found in the park.

Are you sure it was lost, his mother asked. Yes, the boy replied, I am positive, I even saw the guy looking for it.

What sexual position creates the ugliest kids?

Ask your parents

Kid's know far too much these days...

This morning, while in the doctors waiting room, I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie and Ken dolls imitating the doggy position. I bent down and told her, "you'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that." She replied, "I don't think so, he's doing her up the ass"

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

A linguistics professor

... was lecturing to her class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah . . .right."

My wife’s doctor prescribed her a new pill

It’s great, now we fuck every night, all sorts of positions, some she’d never tried before. Introduced toys and bondage, spanking and 3 ways..... and she hasn’t woken up once.

How to always be positive in life:

| life |

I got fired on the first day of my new job at the hospital

Apparently telling all the COVID patients to stay positive is not a good thing.

My favorite sex position is the JFK.

I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

Why was the Pepsi employee fired?

He tested positive for coke.

The Rodeo...

So two cowboys are talking about sex and the various positions when one of them mentions "the Rodeo."

So the second cowboy says to him, "I didn't know the Rodeo was a sex position. How do you do that one?"

The first cowboy explains. "So what you do is you penetrate your girl from behind. Then you reach around and grab her boobs, lean over, and whisper in her ear, 'These are almost as big as your sister's.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared. So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex. When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused: "So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19

Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.

A kid asks his dad, "Dad, what is sex?"...

The dad is shocked. He goes into an internal struggle of whether to scold him or to tell him. Finally he decides to tell him and gives the kid the most eloquent explanation of sex complete with foreplay techniques and sex positions. The kid frowns after he's done and asks "So what do I put on the school admission form?"

If someone has the Last Name "Smith" then that means that one of their ancestors was likely a Blacksmith.

Which kinda puts John Dickinson in an awkward position.

Two atoms were walking down the street.

One of them said, "I lost an electron." The other one said, "Are you sure?" and the first one said, "I'm positive!"

The sex position 69 will now be called 96

This is due to inflation, the cost of eating out increased.

My cousin died last week; he needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83...

On the plus side my IQ test came back positive