Scale jokes

My best friend and I just started a business where we weigh microscopic objects.

It’s ..a small scale operation.

penny scales

A woman stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and put in a coin.

"Listen to this," she said to her husband, showing him a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."

"Yeah," her husband nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds...

...so I bought her a scale.

Everyone in Texas thinks Texas is great...

But on a scale from awful to great Texas is just below OK.

I was driving past a prison the other day...

Looking out my window, I glanced up and saw a dwarf scaling down a very tall fence. It was obvious he was breaking out of the prison. I looked up at him and he looked down at me with an angry stare like “wtf the fuck are you looking at?”

I drove away and thought to myself that was a little condescending.

Why are Fish easy to weigh?

Because they have their own scales.

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No."

“It’s to look at.”