Everyone says that China doesn't have any freedom of speech. That's obviously untrue.
In the United States, you can go up to the White House and shout "Down with America!", and you won't be punished for it.
Similarly, in China, you can go up to the Communist Party Headquarters and shout "Down with America!", and you won't be punished for it.
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Wanted to update an oldie but goodie to modern times.
There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...
Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846. JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.
Lincoln was elected President in 1860. JFK was elected President in 1960.
Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy. Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.
A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe.
--- Credit goes to the play: The Complete History of America: Abridged
What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?
They both get stoned after sex.
How is eating pussy similar to smoking a cigarette?
The flavor changes as you get closer to the butt.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Gandhi
Did you know that Gandhi used to have hot young women sleep naked in his bed with him? The idea was that he could conquer his baser desires and prove his self-control by abstaining from sex with them.
I tried a similar thing by leaving half a box of Double Stuff Oreos on my counter, and I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m pretty sure Gandhi banged every single one of those chicks.
A husband and wife were sleeping one night
When they wake up the next morning, the wife says, "I had a funny dream. I dreamt that there was an auction and they were auctioning off penis'. Little ones were $10, big ones were $100"
"How much was were the ones like mine going for?"
"They were giving them away."
"Well," He says, "I had a similar dream. I dreamed that there was an auction for vaginas. Big ones were $10 and little ones were $100."
"What about ones like mine?" She inquires.
"That's where they had the auction!"
What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison?
They both turn "o" into "O".