After the safety talk in the airplane the pilot forgets to turn off the microphone...
He turns to his copilot and says: "I'm gonna take a dump and then I'm gonna fuck that smoking hot stewardess." When the stewardess realizes what's going on she starts to sprint to the front to warn the pilot that his mic is still on but trips and falls. A passenger turns to her and says: "Calm down, he's taking a dump first."
A vulture is boarding an airplane carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess says, "I'm sorry sir, there is only one carrion allowed per passenger."
“Stewardess”
“Yes, Sir?”
“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.”
“Captain, shut up and land the plane.”
A Man Has a Heart Attack on a Plane...
Stewardess: Is **anybody** here a doctor?!
Man: (Raising Hand) I'm a vegan.