A reporter is at the airport, writing a piece on the womanising reputation of airline pilots.
She approaches a handsome, uniformed captain and asks, "for my article, can you please tell me the last time you made love?“
“It was 1959“, says the pilot.
"Oh wow, that long ago?" she responds, "I thought you airline pilots held a reputation as real ladies men"
Pilot looks at his watch and says "Well, considering it's only 2025 now..."
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.
Sadly, he lost his case.
The person sitting next to me on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I used one of my pick-up lines on her.
I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”
“Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”
As I stood before the airline ticket agent, I said "I want to buy a ticket to London. But I want one bag to go to Tokyo and the other to Moscow."
"Sir, we can't do that," the ticket agent exclaimed.
"Why not?" I asked. "You did it to me last time I flew with you."
This will be my first Halloween as a single person in over 12 years.
I think I’ll dress up as Southwest Airlines and fuck a bunch of people.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea
Malaysian airlines 103
Why are you flying with United Airlines?
Beats me.
“Stewardess”
“Yes, Sir?”
“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.”
“Captain, shut up and land the plane.”
I wrote a joke for a stand-up routine that I'll never get to do.
Being a comedian is tough. Even when you write your own material, everyone accuses you of stealing from other comedians.
Jokes about airline food? Observational comedy? "You got that from George Carlin!"
One liners? "You can't do that, Mitch Hedberg does that!"
You tell a joke that sucks? "You definitely stole that from Dane Cook!"