Tom Cruise jokes

I stole a Tom Cruise movie from the store the other day...

It was Risky Business.

Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I’d like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

I call my penis Tom Cruise.

It does all its own stunts, has questionable beliefs, and I have to use camera tricks to make it look taller.