A man goes to India for a cheap penis extension..
The surgeon suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3000. The man agrees. 6 weeks later, while having dinner with his new girlfriend he feels an unusual stirring in his pants and thinks this is the night. While chatting over dinner his cock flies out and steals an apple off the table and goes back into his pants. "Wow!", she says, "can you do that again?" He says,"My cock can, but I don't think my arsehole can take another apple."
Cop: So I’m writing you a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane.
Me: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are out for a drive when they are stopped by the police.
"Do you know how fast you were going?" demands the cop. "No," replies Heisenberg, "but I knew where I was."
The cop sniffs, then opens the trunk and says "And do you know there is a dead cat in here?". "Well, I do *now*!" Schrodinger scowls.
Do you know a way to really freak out someone who works at a car dealership?
You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.
A joke my 4 year old came up with today...
Him: ‟What‘s the only mammal that can breathe under water?”
Me: ‟I dunno, what?”
Him (loudly): ‟An elephant sticking his trunk up!”