A man goes to India for a cheap penis extension..
The surgeon suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3000. The man agrees. 6 weeks later, while having dinner with his new girlfriend he feels an unusual stirring in his pants and thinks this is the night. While chatting over dinner his cock flies out and steals an apple off the table and goes back into his pants. "Wow!", she says, "can you do that again?" He says,"My cock can, but I don't think my arsehole can take another apple."
I'm getting a tattoo of an elephant on my ear...
The only reason I'm doing this is so when people ask me "Why do you have a tattoo of an elephant on your ear?" I can say "Don't worry about it. It's ear elephant."
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees very often?
Because they are really good at it.
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today and as we were walking around, he screeched, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, because everybody was looking at us...
“What did you just call it?!” I cried.
“It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture! Look!” he shouted, pointing excitedly.
And so it did...A F R I C A N Elephant.
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
Easy, just paint his balls red.
Now what’s the loudest noise in the jungle?
A giraffe eating cherries
What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
One of them isn't an elephant.
If you call a girl beautiful 1000 times she won't really notice. But if you call her fat once, she will never forget...
That's because elephants never forget.
A joke my 4 year old came up with today...
Him: ‟What‘s the only mammal that can breathe under water?”
Me: ‟I dunno, what?”
Him (loudly): ‟An elephant sticking his trunk up!”
What do you call an elephant who doesn't matter?
An irrelephant
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't. You get down from a goose.
I got a new job at the zoo, circumcising elephants.
The pay isn't great but the tips are enormous.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room
He said "Thanks"
I said "Don't mention it"