Wall jokes

I told my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper...

She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

The Talking Clock

A guy picks up a woman in a bar and they go to his apartment. In the bedroom there's a brass gong and a wooden mallet hanging from a stand and the woman says "What's that for?" The guy says "That's a talking clock. I'll show you how it works." He hits the gong as hard as he can and when the sound dies away a voice from the other side of the wall says "Hey asshole! It's 3:15 in the morning!"