Xmas jokes

Dad called me a cunt

I always buy him socks for Xmas. I said, "you bastard, it's the thought that counts." I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs

My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg.

It's just a stocking filler

A man buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for xmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"