It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.
The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"
Australians don't have sex...
Australians mate.
Have you heard of an Australian kiss?
.. it’s like a French kiss but down under!!
I recently decided to apply for Australian citizenship, and I was surprised at some of the questions they asked.
Like, they asked if I had ever been convicted of a crime. I had no idea that was still a requirement.
They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime.
No wonder there are so many Australians in the UK.
I don't see what's so offensive about calling someone from Pakistan a Paki...
It's like calling someone from Scotland a Scot, an Australian an Aussie or someone from France a cunt
Had an issue remotely connecting to an Australian PC.
Connection was blocked by the firewall.
An Australian was taking his girlfriend out for a night of passion under the stars.....
....when she was stung between the legs by a giant hornet. In a panic he wasn’t sure what to do so he rang the Australian Emergency Medical Helpline.... “Hello, I’m takin’ me Shiela out for a romantic night of camping and she’s just been stung by a hornet on her privates...and it’s all swollen and closed up”... “Ahhh bummer mate”, the helpline operator replied. “Oh cheers, great idea, thanks mate!” Replied Bruce... and put the ‘phone down.....
Gordon Ramsay goes to Australia and whips up a lemon meringue pie.
The whole audience cheers! “That's strange," he says. “I thought Australians usually boo meringue."
If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days
just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.
You can never enjoy a game of Chess against an Australian.
Everytime he checks, you'll think he's won the game.