Constipation

What is the difference between a gun with a bent barrel and a constipated owl?

One can shoot but not hit, and the other can hoot but not shit.

I ate a contradiction the other day...

it constipated the shit out of me.

What did the constipated mathematician do?

He worked it out with a pencil.

I'm socially constipated...

I haven't given a shit in years

My doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation.

I thought he was crazy until I saw a dragon on the way home and shit myself.