Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"
The man smiled and kissed his wife. "You'll know tonight," he whispered.
That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped up and embraced him, and then settled on the couch to slowly and delicately unwrap the package.
It contained a book entitled, 'The Meaning of Dreams'.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch, thinking that their wife should be really happy.
Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, ‘You must have a vase somewhere!'
A Man Walks into His Home
He calls out to his wife, "Honey, why are there two broken condoms sitting on the couch?"
His wife replies, exasperated, "For the last time, can you please call our children by their actual names?"
A dad is sitting on the couch in his living room
He hears his son start walking down the stairs and then loud banging and rumbling
Dad: Son what happened?
Son: it’s nothing i just dropped my shirt down the stairs
Dad: it sounded a lot heavier than a shirt
Son: yeah it’s because i was wearing it
What do you call a gay couch.
A homosectional.
My friend was visiting from Barcelona, and he asked me if he could crash on my couch.
I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish imposition!
Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch.
Who the fuck does that.
Where do you find a Himalayan cat?
You’ll find him-a-layin on the couch
Whenever I have an argument with my wife, she always comes to me crawling
And then she says: "Get out from under the couch, you coward!"
How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
None. It should be open by the time she brings it to the couch.