Cousin

I hate breakups.

Especially when they try to let you down gently. "It's not you, it's me" "I just need some space" "We can still be cousins".

What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend

Flush

I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day.

The other day I had sex with my third cousin.

She was way better than the other two.

I can't see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing...

And now my pet snake has a huge tumor

My cousins are like the letter K.

They are ok by themselves, but when three of them get together, they are just horribly racist.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

My cousin died last week; he needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

Man to therapist : "I just fucked my fourth cousin."

Therapist : "Is that a problem for you?"

Man : "The problem is that I'm counting."

My cousin thinks he's cool because he sleeps in a race car bed.

Little does he know I sleep in an actual car.

A redneck broke up with his girlfriend

it wasn't all that bad, she said they could still be cousins.