Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses
He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''
Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt''
Dad called me a cunt
I always buy him socks for Xmas. I said, "you bastard, it's the thought that counts." I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs
I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of some fat cunt sitting there holding his cock.
Then I realised the TV wasn't on.
I had a dream..
Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife : "Those they gave away."
Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband : "That's where they held the auction."
What's the difference between red and green?
Nothing if you're a cyclist cunt.
2 tampons are walking past each other, which one says "hi", first.
Neither, they're both stuck up cunts.
A car gets pulled over
Policeman: "sir, you were driving above the speed limit here. Give me your licence".
Man:" this must be a mistake. I was driving below the speed limit. I always do..."
Woman: "Darling, you know it isn't true".
Man: "shut up you stupid cunt".
Policeman: "sir, license please".
Man: "I already told you I wasn't overspeeding".
Woman: "it was way above the speed limit, dear".
Man: "I told you to shut up woman."
Policeman: "ma'am, does this man mistreat you?".
"only when he is drunk".
Little Johnny walks into the bathroom and sees his mom in the tub...
He points at her crotch and exclaims, "What's that!?"
She quickly says, "Oh that's where daddy hit me with the axe."
Johnny replies, "Pretty good shot, he got you right in the cunt."
I don't see what's so offensive about calling someone from Pakistan a Paki...
It's like calling someone from Scotland a Scot, an Australian an Aussie or someone from France a cunt
Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her Tourettes.
Turns out she doesn't have Tourettes.
I am a Cunt and she really does want me to Fuck off.
Ever wonder why you always get a boner when you look in the mirror?
That's because your dick thinks you're a cunt too!
I became a proud dad today!
Well my son is 4.. But he was a boring little cunt for the first 3 years.