Definition jokes

To those who say "alcohol is not the solution":

Alcohol is a solvent. By definition, it's part of the solution.

Don't be ashamed of you don't know the definition of the word 'esoteric'

Only a small number of people are likely to understand.

A husband and wife are winding down in the bedroom getting ready to go to sleep

Husband "You want me to put some on TV"

Wife "Sure honey, you can pick"

Husband "Okay, I am picking either golf or porn, what do you think?"

Wife "Porn, definitely porn. You're already good at golf"

I Got my girlfriend a “get better soon” card.

She’s not ill or anything but she could definitely get better.

What is the definition of a will?

Come on guys it's a dead giveaway

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

I wrote a joke for a stand-up routine that I'll never get to do.

Being a comedian is tough. Even when you write your own material, everyone accuses you of stealing from other comedians.

Jokes about airline food? Observational comedy? "You got that from George Carlin!"

One liners? "You can't do that, Mitch Hedberg does that!"

You tell a joke that sucks? "You definitely stole that from Dane Cook!"

After having sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" was not the correct response.

I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world,

but it’s definitely up there.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it......

He's gay, definitely gay.