Disappear jokes

Have you heard the story of the Spanish magician?

He was on stage one day and said "Uno...dos..." and then he disappeared without a tres.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, " you're in here alot, are you an alcoholic?"

The horse ponders for a moment and responds " I don't think I am" and poof he disappears.

This is where philosophy students begin to snicker because they are familiar with Descartes postulate, " I think therefore I am."

But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

Whenever I’m in trouble, I think, 'what would Jesus do?'

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Won," radioed the American sub.

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

Studying for finals is like playing Tetris

just when you seem to get the facts to fit together, all that you thought you learned disappears.

A Mexican magician was performing a trick...

Magician: "Uno! Dòs..."

*poof*

And he disappeared without a très...

The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...

The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.

The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."

The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...

Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle—except my depression.

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini due to his skill in disappearing.

A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."

"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."

"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."

Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors.

Because they were Veteran Aryans.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch

The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"

The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest" *Poof!* the brunette disappears.

The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest" *Poof!* the redhead disappears.

The blonde says, "I think..." *Poof!*

Thanos’ finger snap would have a way greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared

Apparently only DC movies can do that

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Can I get you anything?" The horse replies "I think not," a promptly disappears.

If you don't get it, it's important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am." So when the horse said "I think not," then he could no longer be.

I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

Happy Cinco De Mayo. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three

He says "uno, dos..." then disappears without a tres.

If I had the power of invisibility,

I would end every argument by disappearing and saying "have I made myself clear?"

“Hey Descartes, I bet I can beat you in a footrace!”

“I think not!” Descartes replies.

And poof!

He instantly disappears.