Ship

Every year, hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school...

...never to be heard from again.

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85.

That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

The ship stuck in the Suez should be named in honor of Mitch McConnell.

It's big, full of crap, and obstructing everything in its path.

Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Won," radioed the American sub.

What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS-ARRR

I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.

That sail has shipped.

I just saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.

It was riveting.

A ship was sinking...

The captain of the ship gathers all passengers on deck and asks the crowd: "Does anyone here know how to say prayers".

A priest steps forward: "I can" he says with some pride in his voice. "Actually, I used to say the best prayers in the monastery, and they would be answered by God too" he continues boastfully.

"Great" answers the captain, "We're one life jacket short, so you say prayers, me and the crew are gonna rescue the rest of passengers by the life jackets".

Sinking Ship...

A pediatrician, a lawyer, and a priest were on the Titanic while it was going down. The pediatrician said "Save the children!" The lawyer said "Fuck the children!" To which the priest replied "Do we have time?"

My wife asked me to stop buying stupid shit online.

So I shipped her back to Russia.