Magician

What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

Have you heard the story of the Spanish magician?

He was on stage one day and said "Uno...dos..." and then he disappeared without a tres.

A Mexican magician was performing a trick...

Magician: "Uno! Dòs..."

*poof*

And he disappeared without a très...

What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?

Ian

Why did the magician flunk out of school?

He couldn’t spell.

A magician is having sex with a woman and he cums inside her.

The woman gets angry over this and yells at him "why the fuck would you cum inside me!!?"

Magician says "psyche! Check your ear!"

My dad's a magician

Bob: What does your father do for a living?

Joe: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.

Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.

Little Johnny, the magician's son

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the schoolteacher.

"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher.

"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.

"Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

And Little Johnny said, "One half brother and two half sisters."

Happy Cinco De Mayo. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three

He says "uno, dos..." then disappears without a tres.

I come from a family of failed magicians

I have 2 half sisters