Englishman

An Irishman walks into a bar full of Englishmen. Looks around, and then says: "Right, this looks like a fair fight."

An English joke

American, Frenchman, Englishman and Pakistani all on top of Eifel tower.

American throws aload of money over the edge. "What did you do that for?" the others ask. "We have so much money in the states that I can afford to."

The Frenchman throws loads of bottles of wine over the top and says "we have so much wine here that I can throw as much as I like over,"

The pakistani looks at the Englishman and says "DONT YOU FUCKING DARE!"

An Englishman, and Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are sitting in the back of a bar...

The bartender waved to them and asks, “Hey, you guys back there! Can you see me?”

The men look up and respond:

“Yes!” “Oui!” “Si!” “Ja!”

An Englishman is sitting on a train when he overhears a loud conversation between two Italians...

First, Emma cum, then I cum... then two asses, they come together, then I cum again. Then the two asses, they come together again, then I cum... pee twice, then I cum again!

“Excuse me” says the Englishman. “In this country it’s very inappropriate to be talking about sex in public like that!”

The Italian guy is confused “what sex? I’m telling my friend how to spell a Mississippi!”

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went to a bar.

They all had to leave because the Englishman wanted to go.

An Englishman is hiking in Scotland and he pauses to drink from a stream. A passing shepherd calls out "Dinnae drink frae that, it's all fulla coo piss an shite!"

The Englishman says to him in a cut-glass accent "I'm terribly sorry, my good fellow, would you very much mind repeating that in the Queen's English?"

And the shepherd says "I'm terribly sorry sir, I was only asking if you would like to borrow this tin cup and get a proper drink?"