Ex-girlfriend jokes

Last night I masturbated over my ex-girlfriend.

I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key.

My wife thought it would be fun if we each have a list of 3 people that would be OK to sleep with if given the chance.

**Her list:** Paul Rudd, Adam Levine, and Channing Tatum

**My list:** Her best friend Stephanie, that barista at our coffee shop, and my ex girlfriend

The other day, an ex girlfriend of mine was hit by a bus near my house

And I thought to myself "that could've been me"

Then I remembered - I can't drive a bus

I finished with my ex girlfriend due to her obsession with counting.

I wonder what she's up to now.

I’ve been looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

I spotted my ex girlfriend across the hall of the museum, but I was too self conscious to go say hello.

There was just too much history between us.

My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.

MAN, I sure am LUCKY!

I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!