Grandmother

My grandmother used to tell me the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Lovely lady. Terrible surgeon.

A joke my grandmother, of all people, told me when I was a kid.

I don't know how many of y'all have heard this joke, but here it goes. Two guys were at a University of Georgia football game when one of them looks down at the Georgia Bulldog sidelines and sees Uga, the school mascot, licking himself like dogs like to do. The guy smiles, leans over to his buddy while pointing at Uga and says, "Man, I wish I could do that". His friend looks back at him in surprise and says, "Man, that dog would bite you!"

My grandmother is 80 and still doesn't need glasses

She drinks out of the bottle...

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.

She's ninety-three today and we don't know where the hell she is.