Homeless jokes

I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of coins at me

I get that you have more money than me, no need to rub it in

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless guy.

He said, “Fuck off. Get your own.”

What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man?

An Instagram account.

Confucius say...

Difference between camping and being homeless is intent.

A homeless guy sees a lady about to kill herself.

He walks up to her standing on the edge of a tall bridge and says, “hey I know what you’re about to do, and I won’t pretend to understand or stop you, but before you do, can we please have sex? It’s been a really long time.

She replies, no you sicko!”

So he says “it’s cool. I’ll just go wait at the bottom.”

What’s the best part about dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere

A lady is standing on the top a ledge over a canyon

She’s about to jump when a homeless guy runs over and says ..

“I know what you’re about to do !”

“How would you like to have sex one last time before you go?”

The lady says, “Typical! You’re just like every other guy...

trying to talk me into having sex instead of jumping off this ledge!”

The guy gets fed up and walks away..

“Where you going ?” asks the lady?

“I’m just gonna go wait for you at the bottom...”

I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today!

He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.

What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard?

A pillow fight.

I had five hundred Hershey Bars in my fridge and my friend had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.

That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

What do you call a musician who's been dumped by his girlfriend?

Homeless!

I gave a homeless guy $5 today

I gave this homeless guy $5 and an old lady behind me told me he's just going to use it for drugs, so I confronted him and asked where I could also get drugs for $5

A homeless man asked me for money I had 20 dollars in my pocket and didn’t want it to just go towards crack and alcohol

So I gave it to the homeless man

Two homeless guys were sitting with a sign pointing to one of the guys that reads, "I bet you $2 you can't hit John with a quarter".

A man flicked a quarter at him, and hit him. When the man asked for his $2 for hitting him the homeless guy replied, "you didn't hit john. This here is David".

What do you call a bass player without a GF?

Homeless.