Horse jokes

A horse walks into a bar.

“Hey," says the bartender.

The horse neighs excitedly and says, “My friend, you read my mind!"

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Can I get you anything?" The horse replies "I think not," a promptly disappears.

If you don't get it, it's important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am." So when the horse said "I think not," then he could no longer be.

I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a blonde, a duck and a horse walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "is this some kind of joke?"

I'm kinda new to gardening...

Someone suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries.

Well, I'm never doing that again...

I'll just stick to whipped cream.

Where do horses go when they break their legs?

The HORSEpital hahahaha,

Jk they get shot

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, shits on the floor and leaves.

100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.

The stables have turned

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"