Garden jokes

I need to Re-Home a small Dog.

It's a very small Terrier that tends to bark a lot. If you are interested.

Let me know and I will jump over my neighbors garden fence and get the fucker for you...........

I’m trying to introduce my wife to my Scooby Doo sex fantasy.

I think it’s working, she said we should split up. She went to her parents house and I’m looking for clues in the garden.

A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"

His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."

I read somewhere that WD40 is great from keeping mice out of your garden.

I tried it... It doesn't work!!

However they have stopped squeaking.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

A man and a wife are sitting outside...

The wife is bent over in the garden and the man exclaims "Damn! Your butt is almost as wide as the barbecue!" She proceeds to garden and brushes off the remark. Later on that night the man nudges his wife and asks her for some fun. She replies "If you think i'm firing up this grill for one little wiener, you got another thing coming."

Not my joke, I only wish I was this funny...

In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices....

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden...

Why did Trump hold his press conference at the 4-seasons garden centre, between a sex shop and a crematorium?

Because he was between a cock and a charred place.

I was digging in the back garden...

.. Whan I came across a horde of viking coins, I was so excited I almost ran in to tell my wife,

Until I remembered why I was digging.

My wife is a horrible singer .

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

I knew someone had added dirt to my garden.

And so, the plot thickens

I'm kinda new to gardening...

Someone suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries.

Well, I'm never doing that again...

I'll just stick to whipped cream.

So my neighbor with the big boobs is outside, gardening topless again

I wonder if his wife is aware he does this