Key jokes

What is Neil Armstrong's favorite key on the keyboard?

The SPACE BAR of course!!!!

My ten year old came up with that doozy :)

Boss's daughter!

Employee: Sir, you called me?

Boss: Yeah,go to the rest room and masturbate.

Employee, after few minutes: Done sir.

Boss: Do it again.

Employee: Done again, sir.

Boss: Do it once more.

Employee : Now I don't have stamina for it, sir.

Boss: Very good, here are my keys, drop my daughter at home.

Last night I masturbated over my ex-girlfriend.

I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key.

I love the smell of my F5 key.

It's so refreshing.

A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast.

Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home. "You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants." "Jesus! So then why the hell is she in such a good mood?" "When she tried to take your pants off to wash them, you slapped her hand away and said, 'Get your hands off me! I'm married!'"

A man was locked out of his apartment

He started talking calmly but firmly to the lock... Because end of the day, communication is key.

What's Hillary Clinton's key to success?

The Delete Key

What’s the worst thing about locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

What is the only key a piano can play in after it was dropped down the mine shaft?

Minor B flat

I met a lovely lady last night.

Although she was 57 she was very sexy and funny, she asked me if I fancied a Mother-Daughter threesome? I jumped at the chance,so we went back to her place, she took out her door keys and opened the door, turned on the light.

And shouts out, "Mum are you still awake."

Why is Thor's brother always overlooked?

Because he's low key.

Mercedes for Sale @ $1

Someone put up this advertisement. No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car. The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1. She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.

As the old man was leaving, he said "I would die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?" The Lady replied "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where all money receievd from sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary".

I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.

1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day 2. I run for an hour before breakfast 3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up. 4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something. 5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it. 6. My dad owns a Fortune 500 company. 7. I meditate every day