Lactose jokes

Vegan in a restaurant

Customer: I'm vegan, I don't eat gluten or carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and allergic to nuts. What should I get?

Waiter: the fuck out

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose

My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe

Apparently she's lactose intolerant.